December 28TH

Some days I feel that my strength is stagnated by chance.

Today, my heart is being gripped firmly-pain is trying to take over.

Breathe-I remind myself.

In a weeks time I’m two for 2 and in a year 4/4

I don’t grieve well.

Last year was KB, EJD, this year it was Mo. P., and now you.

I don’t talk to anyone-how must I process this?

Keep silent?

I want to scream, yell, cry…”IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS”

He didn’t have to go like this!

Insensitive, this one is personal…

“Don’t doubt God”- a “timely word” that’s alive and active; and I’m wondering if I rather it be dormant ?

Anchored to my faith-this cord is strangling me!

Then I think on the countless times that I’ve been here…

I’m compassionate, not weak.

I didn’t quit. I’m still fighting.

I’m bended, not broken.

Joy cometh in the morning.

I DANCED

Today, I made space for me.

Its no surprise of a thing to do, but it is something that I am (again) becoming intentional about.

I raised up out of my bed with a mental task list and handled my daily cares. I began to clean, happily-turned on some music and enjoyed my own company.

I docked my iphone and played Miley Cyrus, Whitney Houston, Gospel, Reggae-danced a little, created a workout playlist and began to again, dance.

I began to notice that my workout (inspired by the Reggae music) was a mix of dance styles I once participated in. YES, I was/am a dancer. I lack rhythm sometimes, but I enjoy the art of it all (lol). I once said: “If it was not my obligation to be an educator, I probably would have take dance a little more seriously.”

Going back to this workout- the combination of styles were ballet, African dance, praise dancing, interpretive dance, and a little twerk.

Today, I DANCED.

My mind began to do its own tricks-you know- it began to create thoughts of GREATNESS! I was feeling creative! I was planning and mapping out creative efforts and collaborations in my mind because I not only danced; but I created mental space- and allowed myself to be FREE!

I don’t and did not have to worry about work, gathering my students, and transporting them here and there! I did not have to take a phone call or meeting on this day. I was not weighed down by any obligation other than to “be,” just BE!

DANCING- brought me creative space I didnt know that I needed.

I finished cleaning-changing the linen on the bed, sweeping the floors, lighting candles, changing the scent of my wax melts; and then I sat. I paid a bill and then I renewed my library card-YES, my library card.

I had been putting off this renewal because “I hadnt had the time to go.” On this day, I had the time to get on the web, call the library to get my pin number, share laughter with the guy from the circulation desk-and Finally, the reason for it all: to gain access to the “Libby” system. The Libby System is an app that allows one to read e-books and audiobooks 24/7. I don’t have to worry about late fees anymore-this being the reason I have to renew my library card.

I immediatley downloaded a book that I had purchased-but again- not having the time to read, I can now listen to “Becoming” by Michelle Obama.

I ecstatically began to read/listen to it. Then, I began to check out other titles of books I have been wanting to read, but haven’t been able to sit long enough to do: Ta’Nehsi Coates’ book “Between the World & Me- “White Rage: the Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson-and soon “Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man” by Emmanuel Acho.

Because I danced- I was able to sit in my kitchen at my 3pc pub style table that I found on accident when searching high and low for a washer and dryer set. I haven’t sat at this table to enjoy eating in awhile. So, I sat and listened to our former LOTUS read her own book to me because I took the time to DANCE!

I get to write and share my thoughts with you all for this same reason!

Your form of relaxation and self-care may look entirely different from mine and I am cool with that.

I am writing this to you in order to say this: RELAX. Steal that moment of quiet and EMRACE it. Let that quiet moment be louder than the kids running through the house. Let it be louder than your agenda/calendar.

Allow yourself to breathe deeply and exhale loudly; and if a few tears decide to join you, so what! Let them fall and call them your comfort friends for the moment because right now, its the hug you didn’t know you needed.

I leave you with this thought: “I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess-happy that you are again showing such strong concern for me. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as little.

I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the one who makes me who I can (Philippians 4:10-11;13-14 MSG).

“Keep Praying, Keep Pressing, and Stand Tall”

~Jay Love~

Take a Peek!

Someone posed the question

“If we have a look into your thoughts, what would we see?

Immediately, I felt conviction but too came my own truth:

You’d see a woman who on a regular fights perversion, insecurity

Depression, legalism, patriarchy, religion, and spirituality.

You would see a woman in progress

And someone who believes in God and in Christ.

You would see how many people thought I considers, and spirits

Who I care for daily

You would see a concerns for humanity, a concern for children, and for

Black men’s mental health.

If one peered into my thoughts, they would see my

Love hate relationship to the word “family” because by

This time, I thought I would have my own.

You would see my battle with

Trust issues and my relationship with Christ.

You would see my concern about others who are worrying about me

But not checking in.

You would see scripture that I hold dear,

And the ones I haven’t fully grasped keeping me sane and anchored.

You’d see my compassion, prayers, motivation, and diligence.

You’d see me seeking a better relationship with Christ and my fight with letting go my grip

Because a fear of failure

Uncertainty and a constant need of proving.

You’d see me come to the realization that the battles I am

Fighting have been won and the only thing I need to do

Is trust God so that I can

Trust myself.

You would see Love, compassion, and understanding

Embodied for everyone except me.

You see me praying to be unleashed.

You’ll see a Warrior, a Queen

You’d see me judging me.

The Return

It’s like fire shut up in my bones.

I try to avoid what I have been called to speak.

My life, in my mind is spinning out of control, and it’s the simple mistakes on repeat

Unfathomable, God created me.

He imagined ME.

An infrequent place, I need to

Rest my face, I need prayer,

I gotta pee…

DISTRACTED…

Praying oh Holy night and crying

Holy, Holy, Holy

His love is consuming me, I’m blanketed by His care and concerns

He wants justice for me,

He gives me peace…

Running, but He is further than me,

He is where I need to be.

Yet standing where I last left Him.

He is awaiting my return

But I’m embarrassed at intentional mistakes,

So, I hide my face.

He reminds me of His grace.

Im UNWORTHY.

Conjured thoughts of mistakes,

Deeds and incomplete assignments

But HE chose me!

He called me to Himself.

I humbled myself and I returned back to Him.

I prayed His will, but who knew what that would cost?!

He reminded me…You are NOT lost!

You would not be able to hear me.

He feeds me, His word sustains me….

He whispers: you are tethered to Me.

The Beauty in the Weight

An isolated place. It is meant for worship. The enemy tries to make it a place of torment. But God is there maintaining His promise of ‘being there.’ He told me months ago that He is with me. As I ranted to Him…I was reminded of a message I had to speak. Within that message the Lord gave me to share was “see the beauty in the weight.

The closer you become to God the lonelier it may seem in the natural. Suddenly, there will be a lot of alone time.

You are being pulled away to be poured into. Understand that there are different levels to this walk of faith and this thing called life. As he purges me from myself, I’m reminded of what He told me in either February or March of 2019: when I move the mess out of the way everything else will shift.

During this week, the Lord shared with me Psalms 42:1 which reads: As the deer pant for the water so does my soul. I am thirsty for the more of Him. He has tossed me out into the deep knowing that on this level, everything taught up to this moment shall come to fruition.

Using football analogy: the Holy Ghost will cause an interception so that you can carry out the play. He blocks for you so that you will not get tackled. (when the enemy comes in like a flood God will lift a standard) You will make it to the endzone, the goal. To your destination

Although it may seem painful at times, the beauty in the weight is that He CHOSE YOU, you did NOT choose HIM. This walk of faith is a constant journey of submission. You have chosen to exchange your will for God’s. The lessons aren’t always as transparent as you or I would hope; but He will make sure you receive an understanding.

In all thy getting get understanding and here is what I have come to terms with: -once you receive your assignments from the Lord, (submit) your will. Anything that goes against the will of God will be sure to either destroy you or hinder the mission.

-Truly God leaves behind a comforter. Amid me crying about my grandmother who had been deceased for almost 10years; He reminded me of this word.

Out of that pain, birthed this piece to you all. Not only did He not leave me lonely; He made it clear (giving me understanding) as to why He awoke me with Psalms 42:1 in song form. He showed me in the spirit how close I am to Him and the reasoning for the warfare. He gave me peace, and out of all that birthed wisdom. I passed the test.

The enemy tried to cast a vision of me having a mental break. In that vision I was alone and sitting on the floor of a bedroom surrounded by paper: in a circle. I apparently could not make sense of those papers; and that is when I heard “mental break.”

But God! He is a keeper of my mind! If you haven’t accepted Christ into your life, know that He too can be a keeper of your mind. God is not a man that could tell a lie! He has promised to keep me (and you) in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him. Thank God for the Holy Ghost!!!

 

Keep Praying, Keep Pressing, and Stand Tall!

Take It Back

black and red typewriter on white table
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

There are multiple ways to do the same thing. While working, I lost my post-it that I was utilizing to list some missing items. Before I knew it I had began to spend and waste so much time trying to search for it.

I was in a frenzy trying to desperately figure out where it could have gone, and I was growing in frustration. As I traced my whereabouts mentally: I had not left my seat, it didn’t fall to the floor, and it wasn’t stuck to my sleeve or other pieces of paper on my desk.! Where is it?!!?

Grabbing at my hair, looking under my seat…I chose to get up from my desk. I walked away and completed another task. When I returned to my desk, I looked at another list that had the same information on it as the post-it had. It was in that moment I realized that I still had the information I needed to continue, even if I never found the post-it.

We sometimes allow ourselves to get overwhelmed by the things we feel we have lost. I was growing and moving in so much frustration because I wanted what I wanted in that moment. It was childlike! I wasn’t ignoring the information that I had wrote in the notebook, but I was blinded by my frustrations. It came to my understanding: What I was looking for I didn’t need!

My life lesson: what I thought I had lost, and what I thought I wanted to complete the task wasn’t something I needed to finish.

I allowed myself to get worked up when I KNOW the word of God tells me to be anxious for nothing. We aren’t to be anxious over a bill, about our children, church, life’s mishaps; and certainly not over a post-it!

Today- do what you need to do…get up, walk away, take a breather, and then come back. You may find the clarity you need when you let it go.

That post-it had my full attention, my frustration, and I allowed it to alter my mood. I gave it too much control! You are giving that thing too much control over you!

Walk away from what seems like it has you. Alter your attitude and adjust your crown. FOCUS! Take back your authority and finish your task/mission.

 

As always: Keep Praying, Keep Pressing, and Stand Tall”.

~NATURAL SPEAKS~

BEGIN.

As my life unfolds and this year begins, I have come to the place of knowing that I am just as necessary as the next. I am the GIANT (admitted humbly) that I imagine myself to be and that others affirm. To the young woman or man connected to me, YOU ARE NECESSARY.

THIS IS A CHARGE: You must carry out your dream, answer the call that tugs at your heart, and the one that doesn’t allow you to sleep at night. Fulfill that part of you!

BEGIN: even when you are unsure where to start, it is important that you begin somewhere. Start with the thought that “you are somebody!” You are genius, creativity, you are spontaneous, you have faith, drive, and love. YOU are NEEDED on this earth.

You were created not to be stagnant, but to produce! Here…I’m sharing with you in your weakness, from the strength that I’ve received by my Father in heaven….YOU ARE NECESSARY,  Important, and YOU CAN DO IT!

Philiipians 4:13: ” I can do ALL things through Christ whom strengthens me.

Now, GET UP and get moving! You have work to do!

young game match kids

“Keep Praying, Keep Pressing, and Stand Tall”

~Natural Speaks~

Beautifully Mended

I didn’t have a choice in being broken, He broke me.

I needed to fulfill His plans, it was His destiny.

I choked, I stumbled, and began regretting decisions along the way and no matter what I did to sabotage, He yet paved the way.

He did it so that I could grow and for me to realize He understands me. I now know that its both His wrath and love that protects me.

I have being bent by life’s scenarios, and I am being broken by His hands. It’s a process. He is mending me.

I have scars, and He is healing wounds; and although I am a work in progress, I am beautifully mended.beautifully mended

Order. Every. Step.

man kneeling in front of cross
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It has been awhile and it has been a battle. I have written blogs and on different subjects and have not posted. Today, I position myself apologetically to those who await to read what is spoken through me as God deems fit. Going forward, it is a vow to speak only what God gives and in His timing. He is going to put forth what needs to be said in His timing. I am under His governing, guidance, and rule.

I can assure you that there will be periods of silence and if I am made aware of those times of “rest” surely, I will share.

I can assure that during those times of spiritual rest I will be made equipped for the next season to be the voice of healing, of empowerment, of an intercessor; of one being made whole in my soul. I will vow to remain in His word.

 

On yesterday, I experienced revelation. For weeks now those that were summonsed to pray for me (at different times) all prayed in common one thing. That “one thing” was strength. I asked the Lord why.  Why is it that my  ‘my strength’ is being prayed for? I didn’t feel weak…yet, they kept praying for my strength as they laid hands on my body. One individual in particular always prayed “order every step.” In that simple prayer, I knew God was taking me somewhere…but where? I had no idea.

Me asking “why” was in good fashion. I like to know what is going on and I’m not always privy. However, on yesterday, revelation came. As I prayed during our bible study, the Holy-Spirit took over (as He should and usually does). Those words: “Order every step” left my mouth. I was praying that same prayer (that was prayed for me) over the congregation, but as I said it, with every step, my feet were made heavy. I felt I had stepped into a pair of steel-toe boots that were made to fit a male. Every. Step. was WEIGHTED. I then heard these words: “Do you see it?” My response was, “Yes, Lord.”In that moment He was responding to my questions of why. I knew that this “fight” is real!

I had been fighting battles naturally that did not belong to me (They belong to God II Chronicles 20:15); but this one..SURELY belonged to God. This spiritual battle was now taking place on earth and in heaven:  I took several steps thereafter and the focus of the prayer shifted.

I was standing in one spot and my body as I prayed was in a revolving motion (not crazily) but it was a type of paced turning and the prayer began with covering for my leaders (pastor and 1st lady), and then it went into praying for the Bishops, churches, church mothers, intercessors, and children…this was the representation:

Bishops: the commanders in chief

Churches collectively: church/the body

Church Mothers: they are aides & nurses whom have not only fought the war themselves, but they have seen the casualties

Children: have been the casualties and the innocent bystanders.

Intercessors: warriors

This prayer ended with scripture stating, “No man knows the day nor the hour (Matthew 24:36).”

Needless to say: Christ is soon to come. Prepare yourselves, purify yourselves, and I urge you all to receive the salvation of the Lord. 

Certainly, there is a lot more that the Lord is doing at this time, but this, for now is all that I will share. May God get the glory at every turn.

Blessings to you all!

As always:

Keep Praying, Keep Pressing, and Stand Tall

The Best is in Me

When you meet someone for the first time you want to give the best impression and there is a process to doing that. Men and women alike may go to the barber or beauty salon to get fresh cuts and new hairdos. One may put on their best dress or paint suits depending upon the persons of interest.

What I am getting at is this: there is an overall presentation to make a good first impression.

Why? 

First impressions set the tone. You are asked questions (who you are, what you do, where are you from, and where is it that you are taking their loved one, etc.) Sometimes you are even asked what your goals are in life.

God already knows who you are; but who is it that you are trying to be? He gave us freewill: the ability to choose. People speak about God as liken to a gentleman in that He would never force Himself upon you; and He wont. He will always allow one to make their own decisions in life with the hope that you would choose Him every time.

So why is it that we short change God? We short change Him in our time, in our finances, in our assembly, in the things that He has asked us to do. We short change Him in our gifts, in our children, in our local assemblies, etc. When is He going to profit from what He has placed inside of you?

Everything you want and are born to do is innate. Some experiences you have not went through just yet, and some you will. Both will produce who you are to become. The bible encourages us to not despise the day of  small beginnings  (Zechariah 4:10). Simply

Step into your calling and know that He will not leave you out to hang dry on the line.